Saturday, April 12, 2008

a helpful fallacy.

No, you don't look fat. Just kidding.... wow. i'll quit that line now, because theres no way to exit it gracefully.

There are people in my life that i find difficult to deal with, and impossible to understand. I think everyone has some. am i wrong?
Somehow recently i developed a new doctrine of Sam. It is this: Christ suffered everything for us, right? He understands what we are going through, right?
My problem? I don't. I don't understand what you're going through, and why this or that person is difficult for me to tolerate for over 1/2 minute at a time.
My helpful fallacy? I can forgive and be tolerant here because i'll get to understand from their problems, and blessings.
the corollary is the blessings that I have (and i have lots, i feel) should allow me to do better than i do. and when people get to see my blessings and issues, they'll see what i could have been, and who i turned out to be.
So, what do you think?
It has honestly helped me to feel better about life, and even if its false, it is good.


Nathan & Margaret said...

Sam, I like your helpful fallacy. I think the thought that later on you will get to see the full package of people really is helpful.

New thought. . . because this life is just a school for each individual to learn. Then, when anything REALLY bothers you it is just a hint about yourself. For instance, if a bossy person really bothers you, you might be bossy too, or not like taking direction, not humble. . whatever.

The beautiful thing is, when you really really find the ugliness in yourself and even just think. . .yeah, i am like that, thank heavens for the atonement. you find that the other person doesn't bother you anymore.

Woah, deep enough?

Sam, SuperSam said...

i actually posted my crazyness after reading on c.l.'s blog about how my handcard is heavier than hers.
thanks, Cindy Lynn. Be well.

Cindy said...

Sam, I like your fallacy a lot too. Because the older I get the more I realize that it is *not* about me--that most people's reactions to me are really about them and their feelings. Because I've started realizing that when I assume someone's had a particular reaction to me, I'm expecting they will react the way I would react. Does that make sense? Anyway, it goes right along with what you're saying.

I also second what Marg is saying. It's called the mirror principle, and can be a powerful way to unhook from things that really bug us about other people...

Cindy said...

Wow, my blog, huh? Glad that it helped!

Cindy said...


I read something in a book last night that sounded much like your helpful fallacy. This dialogue was talking about a husband & wife's relationship, but I think the principles are true more universally than that. Here goes:

"So on the days when you're less than loving, do you ever begin the day by thinking, You know, I'm feeling pretty loving today I *could* share that with my husband, but no, I think I'll withhold it instead. I'll make his life miserable and hurt our relationship.

Of course not.

Neither does your husband, and your marriage won't change until you believe that. He doesn't intentionally withhold love from you. On many occasions, he simply doesn't have it to give..."

I thought how applicable that is in most parts of our lives. People don't generally set out to be hurtful or unpleasant--they just have been through life experiences that decrease (or warp, or whatever) the amount of love they have to give.

Does that sound reasonable?

Sam, SuperSam said...

On Cindy the Elder's comment: This chimes in with a book that I read for my Business class last semester. Its kind of like what i've heard of The Miracle of Forgiveness, in that it changes everything.
it's called "Leadership and Self Deception".
Basically, its what we all do, because we are not perfect. and how in doing (or choosing) to do one thing above another, the world changes for us, not because it changed, but because our eyes have changed to make our actions acceptable.
I can not more strongly recommend the book. It's the most helpful book i've read in about 5 years.

Cindy said...

Oh SAM!!!! You need to read the sequel, called "The Anatomy of Peace" and even better! I agree--I love those books. And their LDS counterpart called "The Peacegiver."